Black Cats and Black Hats
by ScOrPiA pOiSoN
Summary: It's Halloween at the Rider household  and at the rest of the world  and Jack has gone overboard with Alex's costume. Dear lord, what will Alex do!
1. Chapter 1

YES! I LIVE! Yeah, I'm still alive, all my fans out there. SO sorry about this not being an update for Masked Dancers (because even now, I still get people telling me to update), but highschool has been hectic. I really want to write the next chapter, but I'm, like, stuck. Seriously stuck. The words won't turn out right. Also, I've been too busy to work on my real project (my very own special book) and I work on that baby a LOT, so that tells you something about my life: too busy to even work on my precious book :(

SO today, I had some spare time and was digging through my dusty, old documents that I wrote a year or two ago and this was recovered and repaired (the first draft was every writer's nightmare).

I GIVE YOU ALL: BLACK CATS AND BLACK HATS!

Huh? What is this "disclaimer" that you speak of?

* * *

"Good god, Jack. What did you do?" Alex asked, not believing his eyes. The entire first floor of the Chelsea house was decked in purple, black, or orange. Stuffed cats lounged on every flat surface and ghosts hung from the ceiling. There was even a rubber witch hanging in the doorway for goodness sake!

Carved and plastic pumpkins sat on the stairs, tables, counters, chairs, armrests, and every spot the cats didn't take up, and Jack had wound Halloween tinsel EVERYWHERE. Heck, even she herself was wrapped in it! The floor smelled of pumpkin guts and was covered in foil pumpkins that fell from the ceiling. Don't even get me started about the ceiling. And in the middle of all this, Jack was _dancing_, and not just dancing but doing it to the "One-horned-one-eyed-purple-people-eater" song. Alex knew he'd be scarred for life.

"Oh, hello, Alex!" Jack cheerfully greeted him, "Do you like the decorations? I made costumes too! One for you and one for me, see? I'm a pumpkin!"

Indeed, the woman was wearing a pumpkin costume. The teen began to think his housekeeper was obsessed about pumpkins. THEY WERE EVERYWHERE. Then the full implications of what Jack said hit him.

"You made a Halloween costume for me too?" Alex warily asked. Jack's head bobbed enthusiastically. Oh dear lord.

"Wait right here and I'll get it!" Jack cheered, and then bustled past him and shot up the stairs to apparently grab his costume, whatever it was. While she was gone (thank god) Alex walked into the living room that was filled with cats, ghosts, and oodles of pumpkins.

Walking into the kitchen to grab an innocent glass of water, he was greeted with a room absolutely _coated _with pumpkin guts_._ Seeds were all over the floor and that gooey, sticky other stuff inside pumpkins was covering the table, sink, counters, and all other work spaces. Alex winced at the mess because someone (coughJackcough) would get too lazy and enlist a certain teenage spy to help clean up.

"I GOT IT!" a shrill screech permeated the still air. Moments later, a hyperactive Jack burst into the kitchen, slipped on a few seeds, caught her hand in some gooey pumpkin insides, and miraculously managed to keep what Alex supposed was his costume clean. As of now, all Alex could see was a bundle of black in his housekeeper's arms.

"Jack, I don't want to know what your crazy head cooked up," Alex sighed, already worn out, despite it only being noon. His eyes widened comically in horror when he saw the _accessories_ that were exposed to the light: fluffy black cat ears and a tail. _Dear lord, whatever I did to upset you, I fully repent. Just do NOT make me wear that._

"Oh, Alex! You'd look so ADORABLE!" Alex covered his ears and winced. Well, at least she didn't want him to be a playboy kitty. That would have been the last straw.

His thoughts were distracted with the force of his legal guardian stuffing the ears on his head and squealing,

"OHMIGOSH YOU LOOK EVEN CUTER THAN I IMAGINED!"

She imagined what he would look like? Something told this teenage spy that he should probably get his dear housekeeper checked.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh, look, my dear housekeeper, Jack. The doorbell rang I will now go to answer the door and not wear my costume," Alex said, in an attempt to escape. Jack wasn't so easily deterred.

"Oh, no you aren't! I'll get the door, and you get changed and we'll show our guests your ADORABLE costume!" Jack squealed. Alex groaned. He wondered what in the world got him stuck with a guardian that went overboard on every Halloween. Alex could still remember the first Halloween Jack celebrated at the Rider household. Even to this day, they still couldn't get that orange stain out of the carpet. No matter how hard Uncle Ian scrubbed. It. Would. Not. Come. Out.

Although Alex hadn't made a sound while reminiscing about the past, Jack must have had some inner mojo senses because she screeched, "ALEX! GO PUT ON YOUR COSTUME!" Said guy eyed the ears with extreme disgust, though he did pop them on his head to appease his guardian.

He could hear the woman downstairs, talking to whoever was at the door. "Hello, Tom! I suppose you're here to see Alex?" Oh, firetruck. (1) _Tom_ was at the door?

The blonde peered downstairs, making sure Tom couldn't see him, but then, Tom walked into the house. He was going to go up the stairs to find Alex, but he happened to look up and see the very same spy wearing black cat ears.

"Dude, what the hell! Alex, you didn't tell me you were going to be a fucking _kitty_ for Halloween!"

Alex resigned himself to a very miserable All Hallows Eve.

* * *

(1) Has anyone seen that video on Youtube? That one where you say "firetruck" instead of "fuck"?

So, it's a little short and probably going to be a multi-chaptered fic with itty-bitty chapter updates that are few and far between. But feel free to review and favorite and alert (hinthint)!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey people! So thanks to CHiKa-RoXy, I remembered that I had to finish this story! So I did :) I hope it's good because this is mostly just a chapter to finish up the story :)

One of my British friends told me that Halloween isn't really as big a thing in Britain as it is here in America, but we'll just ignore that, shall we? :P

Disclaimer: Never have, hopefully will.

* * *

Alex flinched at Tom's voice. He did not want _anyone_ to see him like this, least of all his best friend who had a camera on him. The tinsel-covered Jack turned around to look at Alex, checking if he put on the rest of the costume yet.

Haha, nope.

"ALEX RIDER, YOU GO PUT ON THAT COSTUME RIGHT NOW!" Jack screeched in an extremely good imitation of a witch. Unfortunately, the pumpkin costume and tinsel ruined the effect somewhat.

Alex threw up his hands and grumbled all the way to his room where he finally untangled the rest of the black bundle of horrors.

He wasn't going to wear it. No way, not ever. NOBODY was going to make him wear it.

* * *

"I can't believe she made me wear this." Alex now stood outside the lovely house in Chelsea with a little pumpkin bucket in hand and a certain best friend (that was going to die) laughing at him. It would've been okay if it was just a pair of cat ears and a tail, but noooo, Jack just _had _to give him a skin-tight, ass-hugging pair of leather pants to go with it. Where did she get all this anyway?

Tom continued to laugh, tears streaming from his eyes. "Oh my god, Alex, this is priceless, I have to –," he broke off to start laughing again. Alex growled at Tom, grabbing the boy's arm and dragging him down the street.

"What are you supposed to be, smartarse?" Alex snapped.

Tom wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "My dear friend, how could you not know what I am? I am a _gentleman_," Tom proceeded to bow, "Can't you tell from my big, black, top hat?"

Alex's eyebrow made a break for his hairline. "Right, and every gentleman carries a pillow case looking like they're about to mug any person with candy."

"Whatever you say, _kitten_," Tom purred. After wards, he had to sprint like his life depended on it, which it did.

Alex finally caught Tom ten minutes later. The two boys ended up sprawling on the sidewalk laughing like loons. Several trick-or-treaters passed by them while they were like that, Alex receiving wolf whistles from almost all of them.

"Hey!" Tom shouted, popping up. "There's a soldier who lives near here! I heard from the neighbors that it's his birthday!" Alex was wondering where this was going. "Since you're dressed up so sexily," and here Tom dodged a punch, "we should make the most of it and drop by that guy's house! Pretend that it's a little _birthday present _if you know what I mean." Tom waggled his eyebrows.

Alex actually contemplated the idea. "Sure, why not. After all, I should make the most of this costume, freaking soldiers out or not."

* * *

Now, normally, seducing people isn't anything difficult for Alex Rider, because of his amazing looks, hot bod, and husky voice. It becomes difficult when he's dressed up like a playboy kitty, about to knock on the door of a complete stranger, pretending to be a "present."

Tom popped out of a nearby bush. "Just knock on the door, already!" he hissed.

"You try doing this, and then we'll talk!" Alex hissed back. He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Alex could hear people talking from behind the door. He quickly schooled his features into what he hoped was a sexy smirk right as the door swung open.

Eagle was standing at the door.

Alex's jaw almost hit the floor. He quickly covered up his shock with some words. "Trick or treat," he purred, looking up through his lashes at the soldier.

Said soldier was gaping, mouth wide open and eyes nearly bugging out of his head. He was sufficiently shocked to say the least. "Aren't you going to give me anything special, birthday boy?" Alex murmured throatily, bending forward a little and offering his little pumpkin bucket.

Eagle continued to gape. He finally came to his senses and yelled back into the house, "ALRIGHT, WHO GOT ME A PROSTITUTE FOR MY BIRTHDAY?" He turned back to Alex and said, "Sorry, kid, umm, wow this is awkward, but umm, go home. I don't know who's funny idea it was, but here's some candy and, er, yeah. Just… go home, please."

A man walked up behind Eagle and grumbled. "What are you talking about? No one hired any damn prostitutes for you." Then the man caught sight of Alex. His jaw dropped, also.

Alex was very shocked, again. This time, it was Wolf.

"Umm, thanks for the candy, sir, gotta go, BYE!" Alex turned around and sprinted off into the night.

* * *

"Nice, Alex! You should've seen the look on their faces, it was priceless!" Tom crowed with excitement.

"I know, Tom, I was there," Alex replied dryly. "Let's just go get some more candy alright?"

"Sure, Alex, sure."

**EPILOGUE**

Eagle laid in bed later that night, thinking about that hot little kitten that dropped by earlier.

He shot up from bed. "HOW THE HELL DID HE KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY?"

The end.


End file.
